The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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