We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
