I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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