She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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