I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
