So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
