I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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