Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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