I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
