i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
