I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
