y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
