i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
