My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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