But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
