It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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