I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
