I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
