i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
