I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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