Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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