well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sex in a hospital.. check
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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