i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
one might say we're banned from that church
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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