I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
