He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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