Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
