is your mom at the bar?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
