So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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