So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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