Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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