Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
