one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
