We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
