Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
