No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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