I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize