You just made me feel so damn special
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
