my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
