I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize