Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
