Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
