youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
