Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
