Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
