Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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