so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
