Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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