who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
