Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
