I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
