You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
