i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
