Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize