My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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