i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
