Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
