So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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