Will you blow on my dice?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
