I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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