her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
