I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
