Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
