So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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